Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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