Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Randomize
