Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
There's always time for handjobs
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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