Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
