Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
