You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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