a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
