a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
