I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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