I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
