That reminds me...we need to get swords
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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