I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
