She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
