how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
