i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
