I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
