There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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