You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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