I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
