Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he wants to bone in the snuggie
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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