He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
