so explain again why im purple
no
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
