maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
