wat bout pragnant strippers??
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We're too hungover to prance.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
