the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
