ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize