I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
well you can't waste a boner
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize