I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
