nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
