I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
