They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
