Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
