we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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