Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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