We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
There was a lot of him and a little penis
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
