VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
