JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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