YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
