Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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