I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
