So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
