I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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