Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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