I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
