1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
