she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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