Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
