So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
