I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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