Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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