Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
