I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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