I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
