Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
