Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize