I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
