Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
