Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
