He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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