My first STD was from a foam party
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
