i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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