Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
if only i could text you this smell
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
