So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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