First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
