It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
