Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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