i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
